Living Right Side OutAugust 4th, 2012
tags: remember
Living Right Side Out

“Living right-side-out” - a phrase I made up, so I’ll explain what I mean by it. To make it unmistakably clear, I’ll describe its opposite, what it was like to live "outside-in".

First, my internal dialogue was overwhelmed by negative beliefs that had been drilled into me by an external source (think - fire and brimstone). Next, I decided my state of being through radar-like detection of feedback from my boyfriend, friends, family, boss - if they were happy with me, then I figured I was alright. Lastly, I sensed my place in the world through experiences of collision, friction and competition in unconscious relationships (think - Bumper Cars).

I know all about this because I was the quiet twin, passive in the extreme. I allowed my relationship with my extroverted sister to define me. For most of my life my ‘inside-out‘ orientation was so thorough, I didn’t sense myself as “Ardyn” so much as I did “not Kathryn”.

When this became obvious and painful enough, I sought out the practices that would produce the experience of ‘right-side-out’. Clear, powerful focusand whole-hearted persistence brought me to an awareness of my innate beauty, and now here’s what “living right-side-out” looks like.

First, my internal dialogue is laced with self-affirming beliefs created and validated from personal experience. Secondly, I assess my state of being by listening to my emotional, mental and physical indicators. Lastly, I sense my place in the world by being present, paying attention, and by consulting with my natural knowing, what I think of as my higher nature - my intrinsic beauty.

Note: As I drank my protein shake on the back door step this morning a hummingbird flew to me - just two feet from my face - to say hello. Looked up the symbolism...

“It’s a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible...” (tireless energy)

“...a messenger of joy and love. It’s associated with the Ghost Spirit of Native American tradition, which teaches a dance (Ghost Dance) that is intended to return the natural balance of the world.”